Would You Like Fries With That?
by T'Nee
Summary: Due to Sulu and Chekov being eager for shore leave on earth they hadn't noticed parking the Enterprise in a loading and unloading only white zone. They get a ticket and need to pay if off before the next mission. To gather credits the crew take jobs at a McDonalds. Rated M for language and sexual dialog. Read and Review.


a/n: This a story my husband and I worked out. Every night before bed we talk about Star Trek and come up with stories where our favorite TOS crew find themselves in strange situations. This one happens to be where the crew works at a McDonalds. I don't own Star Trek. I make no profit I just write for fun.

**Would You Like Fries With That?**

"Welcome to McDonalds order when ready." Kirk smiled.

"Uh I would like three happy meals, a vanilla shake, and a large drink." A large lady replied she had unruly a child by her side.

"Mommy I want a toy!" the child demanded stomping his foot.

"You will get a toy with your meal." She said sternly.

"Your total comes to $17.20" Kirk said

The lady handed Kirk a 20 dollar bill and he returned the change. He turned toward the back looking for his cook only to find an empty kitchen. Uhura who was assigned to drive in shrugged. If they were to make this work he needed everyone's

"Spock, where's Bones?" Kirk asked.

"I believe he is out front protesting the restaurant." Spock replied.

"What? Why the hell is he protesting?" Kirk asked.

"He read the nutritional facts uttered some profanity and stormed out the door." Spock said

"Damn it Bones" Kirk sighed. "Can you take over?"

Spock nodded. Kirk went outside to see Bones holding a large sign pacing back and forth in front of the doors. Kirk stood watching him for a second listening to his chant.

"Suicide inside, eat this food and you will die!"

"Bones what are you doing?"

"Damn it Jim, this place is death itself."

"Yes I know but we have a job to do."

"I'm a doctor not an executioner."

"I need to go back in I left Spock at the register."

"You left that green blooded prick in a position that makes him communicate with the public?"

"I see your point. Bones stop scaring away potential customers. I'll give you a different job."

"I'm sorry Jim but I will not be associated with a job that endangers the health of citizens."

"Not even work the ice cream machine?"

Bones thought about it.

"Come on Bones everyone loves ice cream and it's not nearly as deadly as the rest of the food."

Bones frowned. "You know I can't turn down ice cream."

Kirk, with Bones following, ran back into the store to find the child on the floor with the mother crying; clearly the work of a Vulcan nerve pinch.

"My baby! What did that elf do to my babies?"

Bone stifled a laugh his cheeks flushing. Spock was not amused.

Spock arched an eyebrow. "Madame I must correct you. I am a Vulcan not a mythical creature and I don't work for a fictional holiday character."

Kirk put his palm to his forehead groaning in annoyance.

"Spock what happened that made you possibly think you should use it?

"Captain the child was being unbearable and hyper active. It was only logical to incapacitate him to reframe them from giving their mother grief."

"You don't Vulcan pinch children Mr. Spock."

"I apologize."

"Spock please check on Sulu and Chekov they are cleaning the bathrooms."

"Will my baby be ok?" the woman cried.

"Yes, Mr. Spock merely put them to sleep. Like a nap." Kirk explained.

"Huh, that would be useful." She said looking at her children peacefully sleeping. "Can he teach me how to do that?"

"I've been asking him that for years."

Meanwhile in the men's bathroom Chekov was sitting on the floor sobbing while Sulu threw up in a stall. Spock walked in. It smelt of shit and vomit. Worst yet it seemed that the smell wrapped around him like a wool coat. Even he was nauseated by the over whelming smell.

"Fascinating."

"What?" Chekov asked. "What could be so fascinating about shit?"

"The amount of fecal matter on the walls is quite disturbing." Spock responded taking in the scene.

"No shit." Sulu muttered.

"Actually on the contrary there is indeed fecal matter." Spock corrected.

"It's a human saying Mr. Spock." Chekov snapped.

"Please continue working, there is still another restroom after this. Next you must complete the women's restroom."

"Yes sir." They replied in unison.

Spock left the bathroom to find three teenage girls at the counter flirting with Kirk. Kirk was obviously enjoying the attention drowning the girls with his charm. Spock stood beside him. To Kirk's dismay the girls had noticed Spock and were hypnotized.

"Who are you?" the blonde asked twirling a lock of hair between her fingers.

"I am Spock."

The girls giggled smitten with this sexy alien.

"I'm Vanessa and that is Ariel and Charlene." The blonde said.

"Are you from around here?" Ariel asked

"No I'm from Vulcan."

"Oh even better a European guy." Charlene said seductively.

"I love what you did with your ears. I find it very sexy." Vanessa leaned forward to touch his ear.

He took a step back so that she could not reach.

"Ladies I'm afraid that Mr. Spock is not fond of woman." Kirk smiled. Spock slowly turned his head and arched an eyebrow at Kirk. "Yeah he's gay. Loves cock."

"Too bad we can't persuade you" Charlene sighed biting down on her lower lip. "Well if you change your mind we'll show you a good time Spock."

The girls left after turning back to look at Spock on last time. McCoy was laughing his ass off wiping away tears of joy. Kirk walked over to McCoy laughing with him. Spock was not impressed. After ten minutes of nonstop gut wrenching laughter Kirk patted Spock on the shoulder.

"Spock rhymes with cock." Kirk said.

"Yes Scotty, yes it does." McCoy sighed happily.

"I did not find the humor in that." Spock stated

"Of course you wouldn't." McCoy said. "Damn emotionless bastard."

"Doctor I do have emotions only I suppress them. Emotions cause chaos and lead to irrational choices in life." Spock said. "Therefore to fall victim to them would be most illogical."

"Shove your Vulcan logic up your ass Spock." McCoy snapped returning to his ice cream machine.

Hours went by and soon it was closing time. Each walked out of the building with an ice cream cone in hand. Kirk locked it up and looked around at his crew.

"I must say you all did a great job." Kirk said.

"How much longer must we work here?" Uhura asked.

"Until we pay off the parking ticket we received." Kirk looked at Chekov and Sulu. "Since some helmsmen were too eager to leave the ship and parked the damn Enterprise in a loading and unloading white zone!"

Kirk noticed McCoy wasn't with them.

BOOM!

The McDonalds exploded behind them sending them several feet back. McCoy appeared striding out of the flames with the ice cream machine in his arms. The others looked at him in awe. They'd never seen McCoy look badass as he turned to take one last look at the fiery remains of the building.

"Bones what the hell?" Kirk yelled angrily.

"Just call me Dr. T&T dynamite." He replied smoothly.

McCoy headed for the cars followed by his dumbstruck colleagues.

"You know we're fucked now right?" Uhura sighed.

McCoy sat in the back seat a smirk cross his face still holding his precious ice cream machine.

"Don't ruin this for him. He doesn't get many chances to be a badass." Kirk whispered as they drove out of the parking lot.

Spock was speechless and looked at the good doctor in another light. In fact the all did. They now knew McCoy was not afraid to fuck shit up.

The End

Epilogue:

The following day the crew went back to the unemployment office to get new assignments. Sadly they were given the lowest of low jobs. They were to work at Wal-Mart in the hell that is customer service.


End file.
